My reflections are here to slow me down and help me refine thoughts that would normally be disarray from a hectic day at work or at home. My intentions are not to speak ill of others but to hopefully help me be more mindful and understand what I need to lead change. The pages or stories maybe incomplete or broken, but my goal is to keep them, reflect and revisit them for my final thoughts and lessons learn later.
JUNE – I JUST HAD THE WORST PHONE CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE!
I try my best not to speak ill of others, but today I have to vent!
After a challenging year, being that my mom is still struggling with Cancer, everyone in my family adjusting to having children and stressful days in the corporate world, we wanted to relax and go to Machinac Island.
Based on our budget, I contacted Bay View Bed & Breakfast to discuss room availability and cost for the different types of rooms. During the conversation, I mentioned that there would be 2infants and 2children with us. The response I received was so disturbing. The receptionist implied that this may not work because they cater to the people who wants to get away and not to deal with that. WTF does that mean?
First of all, I am VERY proud to say that my children are well behave and listen to adults’ instructions. In fact last year, we stayed at The Grand Hotel and received compliments on their behavior both during our stay and formal dining. BUT let’s say they act like their age and have a tantrum, does that give this hotel the rights make us feel unwelcome and unimportant?
To make sure that I didn’t misunderstood what she said, I asked her “Are you telling me that because we have children, we are not allowed to stay there? ” Her response was that someone else would be calling me. Another employee called me to confirm that there are no available room for 14-16July2017 and to check out their sister hotel at Machinac City instead. I have never felt so horrible and belittled in my life. One thing is for sure, we will never call this disrespectful hotel again.
MAY – JUDGEMENT ON HOLD
Today is an awesome reflection as it involves my kind-hearted baby girl.
I am on my way to a two week business trip. Yes, it is very difficult leaving two children behind, but I am very grateful that I have such great support system – I’m talking about my husband, our (Matthew and my) parents and sisters.
Prior to any of my business trips, I clean the house, make a list of reminders for Matthew and the girls and go grocery shopping (Panic buying perhaps). I feel that I may have separation anxiety and these activities make me feel at ease that my husband and the girls have everything that they need while I am away – a topic for another day.
So yesterday, I started my routine. My last stop was grocery shopping, so I picked up Cydney and went straight to Kroger. Easy peas-y, I knew what I needed to get so in a few minutes we were done! The problem occurred when we arrived at check out. The lady in front of us was taking so long. On top of that, she kept asking the bagger to “add 32 ct. bottled water in my cart” and “put my grocery in my vehicle” . I was honestly getting irritated and really really wanted to say something. But before I could open my mouth, she turned around with a baby carrier in front of her!
Ahhhh!!! I am a mom, I knew how hard it is to go somewhere. I remembered carrying the car seat (Which weighs like another child on its own), diaper bags with extra stuff “just to make sure” I had everything for emergency purposes.
I talked to Cydney about this while we were driving home. She knew exactly what I was talking about and which lady I mentioned. She also agreed that I judged the situation so quickly without understanding the reason for the delay – and honestly, I was surprised as she’s only 6 yrs old! Lesson learned, don’t be too quick to judge…and I quote from Cydney’s mouth, “Don’t ever judge others too quickly, unless you’re in X-Factor or The Voice” mwahaha!
MAY – BEING A MOM AT HOME AND WORK
I’ve never successfully kept a plant. My excuse is that I have to prioritize my goals and tasks that watering and moving the pot was never on my list. This is why I’m surprised that I was able to keep my children alive, healthy and happy 🙂 . I wonder if I’m one of the few that really celebrates birthdays because I honestly consider it a success – a topic we should talk about another day.
I am a mom of two miracle children. One was born 2 months early weighing at 4lbs, and the other dilated at 24 weeks. Fast forward to now, both very kind, my eldest very intelligent and my youngest very clever – three characters that I’m thankful they have. When I’m at home, I try my best to be “whole”. I say that because I’ve always been a working mom – so I do spell love, t – i – m – e . Being whole to me means that, we pray & eat together at the dinner table, I bathe & massage them every night before bed, spend time doing projects/homework for school and I try my best to look at them in the eye every time they want to talk about anything. That’s me at home.
At work, I’m a mom too and guess what I try to be “whole” as well. I am able to teach, I teach our PMs how to efficiently lead their team, make critical decisions if there’s a bottleneck, drive ownership to other functional group and most importantly I’m there to listen. Something I found was the hardest to do! I listen when they vent. The more they talk about it, more solutions arise. And surprisingly, they come up with solutions on their own. I also listen to their personal experiences – some have lost love ones, some struggles with health. These situations help both of us find a more stress-free action plan.
I know I need to improve my listening skills. If you know me, you know how impatient I am. I unintentionally make conclusions in parallel to the person talking. Learning from Bob Walters, I am more mindful now when I listen to both my children and my team. Anyway, I’m sharing all of these because I didn’t realize that being a mom would transcend more to my work.
APRIL – BE EPIC
Before I left my previous job, I was asked by one of our leaders what’s the reason I’m leaving? It was actually pretty clear to me…I wanted to be in a leadership role, I wanted to get promoted. Similar to what I’m struggling with a direct report in my current job, I ask myself is it selfish or do many of us feel entitled for a promotion? Maybe…let’s talk about my career path shall we?
I seriously sucked as an Engineer. Probably because I ignored the limits placed upon me? Maybe because it wasn’t clear to me that my supervisor expected Design Verification completed prior to Dan-lot Build? Or perhaps it was because I didn’t think that reading a manual is sufficient training. But I stuck through it. I did what they wanted me to do just enough for me to keep my job. But guess what, I was so unhappy.
After a few years in Engineering, one of the biggest suppliers in Japan took a risk and hired me as a Program Manager. To be honest, it was only because of Networking. I had no experience in leadership whatsoever. Anyway, lesson’s learned from my previous engineering jobs, I told myself to ask as much questions as possible even though they may think that I’m “stupid“. It actually worked out well. I learned so much within my first month, that I was able to make critical decisions, give clear directions and build trust within my team. I launched a radio that would normally be developed in 3 yrs within 7 months! The company’s senior leadership was satisfied with my performance that I received several merit increases and was placed in one of the first 10 inch display projects the company received. I felt great, encouraged and I wanted more! It was then that I realized I wanted to be in a leadership role. I wanted to make an impact to the team and to the company.
I wanted to prove myself, so I worked long hours on my projects and stretched myself by helping others complete their tasks. I became the go-to-person of the newly hired Program Managers, interns and even functional leaders. BUT I unfortunately had a road block. When no one’s around, my supervisor would come by my desk and constantly tell me, “Look at those offices, there’s no women there for a reason.” Still I wanted to prove him wrong, so I worked harder! I felt like I was on a roll! Then I realized that if my direct supervisor doesn’t believe that I can excel, I would never grow. Still I wanted to prove him wrong, so I worked even harder! Until one day when he said, “You could either be a good mom, or a good Program Manager, take a pick!” That’s when I searched for a new company.
I continued on the same path for awhile. I didn’t mind being a Program Manager, I loved what I was doing. The difference this time was Company M realized my potential and placed me in a Leadership Development program. They picked the top 3% performers of the company and invested in coaching/mentoring program for 2 years. Their goal was to develop us be successors of senior leadership. I was in heaven, my career path was clear! I can go from A to B within a couple of years. I took on simple low volume projects, high volume-high visibility programs and NEW complex programs – but then slowly it became a routine and just got boring to me. With these many programs I myself was pleasantly surprised when my task list were consistently done, but I felt so unaccomplished. When I get home, I started picking fights with my husband just to liven things up – it was horrible! I also learned something about myself. Naturally, I did not like changes (Organization changes, process changes, we will talk more about that another time ) – maybe it’s the ASIAN in me saying that. But characteristically, I needed change to keep me challenged! I’m very impatient, I cannot be in the same role with the same responsibility for a long time. (Just to give you an idea, I took 18-20 credits in college while working two jobs, in an active sorority and planning Society of Women Engineer’s annual talent show) That being said, I needed more than just managing programs, so I quit, failed and moved forward.
Fast forward to now at 31 yrs old, I’m a Senior Manager of a group that creates tools to simplify everyone’s job in my company. Everyday is different and I teach – I love waking up every morning looking forward to what I could teach our Program Managers and how I could lead my team of 11 make something EPIC! Now, I could firmly say that I made the right decision leaving. There’s nothing wrong pursuing something that would make you happy.
POWERFUL WOMEN 