How long should one grieve? Is the pain going to subside? Would it go away? My mom has been gone for 45 days and the pain I feel still remains exactly the same. Yes, my Instagram page is being updated and my Facebook comments are there, but the feeling I have is still exactly the same.
When I’m on a business trip… 
When we’re together…
I went back to work the week after my mom passed. I figured that the busy hour by hour schedule would help my mind relax (Which I never thought I would ever say, work made my mind relax). My mind hasn’t stop thinking about the past year – reflection of what happened and the “what ifsss (Super plural)”. It just keeps going and going and going…almost like a broken record. But what’s different is that every time I think about a memory, there’s a new and different outcome I HOPE for. This doesn’t just happen when I’m alone. This happens before I go to sleep, when I’m talking to someone who reminded me of a memory, when I go back to my desk and the worst time, while I’m driving alone – the usual time for me to chat with my mom on Blue Tooth speakers.
Most of the time, I am able to collect myself not flinching, no emotions, most of the time smiling at work, during family functions and doing chores with my children. But sometimes, just like today, the tears just run down my face involuntarily and I have to catch it before someone sees me. I still need to live my “new normal”, talk to people, act OK.
People asked me how my Easter was? Did they forget? I’m hurting and people don’t even know it.
It’s Easter…I should be very happy, to celebrate the resurrection of my King. But why do I feel so broken? I mean, I worked hard on setting up the tea party and it looked amazing (To me at least), but something was missing. There was plenty of food on the table, more than enough, but something was missing. We played games, Easter egg hunt and Nintendo Switch, but something was missing. From this day forward, is my life going to feel broken and something would always be missing?
I’m STILL hurting and people don’t even know it.
POWERFUL WOMEN 
Liel, I feel what you feeling. The pain is always there in our hearts. Losing a mom is very difficult. I lost my mom 1999 and I still cried and miss her. Time only can heal .I hope that this time will come for you.You have a loving husband, great children. They will help ease your pain .
LikeLike